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a Dom fan's view of his sexy video

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Aug. 14th, 2010 | 06:24 pm
mood: thoughtful
music: Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

By popular demand (three is popular!), what I think about Dominic Monaghan's music video, Love the Way You Lie. It involves lots of half-naked Dom kissing and fighting with Megan Fox, while Eminem raps and Rihanna sings. It's meant to present an anti-family-violence message.

I was open-minded at first, and I do like looking at Dom. But when I started looking at it more closely and surfing people's responses, I began to have fairly strong opinions.

As a consciousness-raising anti-abuse video, it's not very successful. It concentrates too much on the cycle of violence within the relationship and has no escape, just a burning house. It would have been a lot better with a helpline number such as 1-866-331-9474 (National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline), and a link to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline.

The good parts: Dom, and bringing up domestic violence

The bad parts: wrong and mixed messages about domestic violence

  • Dom and Megan Fox look pretty hot with the romance, sex, and fighting. It's not real violence, which is horrible and ugly.

  • Most domestic abusers are men, who generally hold the physical, financial, and cultural power in relationships. Though both men and women fight, men do more damage (over 80% of convicted abusers are men). The video makes the man and woman nearly equal in battering.

  • People who recognize Dom as Merry from LotR or Charlie are Lost are predisposed to like him and excuse his actions.

  • Dom's acting Eminem's relationship with his ex-wife (though the director says he meant a more generic couple).

  • Rhianna's chorus includes, like the way it hurts and love the way you lie. Not exactly liberating.

  • Eminem's lyrics end: If she ever tries to fucking leave again / I'mma tie her to the bed / And set the house on fire, and the video has a burning building towards the end. Maybe they meant to indicate it would all end badly, they should split up right away? If so, it fails to work.

  • The video starts and ends with the couple sleeping peacefully all cuddled up together: huh?

More views: A Domestic Violence Expert Weighs In On Eminem's New Music Video. A couple of other analyses, both somewhat positive, at Little Pink Book and Reappropriate.

All the intentions were good and worthwhile. All the people involved are young and may not have known much about the topic. It certainly got attention (the biggest YouTube music video so far) and I hope that the audience learns from it, I just worry they won't.

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Comments {12}


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from: msilverstar
date: Aug. 15th, 2010 06:16 am (UTC)

I was distressed that the #1 retweet at one point was:

"just gunna stand there & watch me burn. but thats alright bcos i like the way it hurts.. oh really rihanna? why is chris your ex then? LOL."

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amusing musing

(no subject)

from: sandelwood
date: Aug. 15th, 2010 06:38 am (UTC)

I think people who said that missed the point entirely, and/or have never experienced that kind of relationship and thus have no idea what they're talking about. No one ever expects it to happen to them, that they'd be that person. I think Rihanna would probably tell them that herself.

I've had friends who I've watched stay in abusive relationships, despite asking for my advice, and get defensive when I've told them the obvious: to get out of it. These people are utterly blinded by their love. They aren't reasonable. Much like that lyric. It takes getting away for them to see how stupid they were.

Keep in mind, none of this was supposed to be pretty. Yes, the actors certainly were. But I have no trouble entirely separating that from the ugliness of the point they were making. Maybe had they hired ugly actors, people wouldn't have had such trouble with the supposed "glamorization" of it. Then again, Dom isn't exactly most people's idea of pretty, so anyone just now discovering that he looks hot with his shirt off needs to square with that, separately from the point of the vid. Blame Megan for glamour. Then again, anyone can be abused or an abuser, pretty or ugly or in between, so...

I dunno. I don't understand why people have such an issue with it, or problems understanding. To me, it was pretty cut and dry.

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