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msilverstar

FIC - "Repose" (Viggo-Ian, wedding fic)

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Dec. 21st, 2004 | 11:44 pm

Title: Repose
Author: msilverstar
Fandom/Pairing: Lotrips, Viggo/Ian
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Sometimes you can get back to the road not taken.
Disclaimer: This never happened, nor will it happen: I made it up.
Context: Part of the Lotrips Wedding Slashathon, “a little form of rebellion against the recent passage of gay marriage bans in eleven U.S. states, and a celebration of boyslove and girlslove everywhere.”. Written for telesilla, with appreciation for being the kind of person who will not freak if I mess with fanon.
Notes: Many thanks to anatsuno, toooldnotto, and especially almostnever for speedy and helpful betas, and to mortifyd for being himself.

unconsciously people are drawn to things that feel strong.
  -- Cirque de Soleil song as quoted by beachkid (I think)

*~*~*~*

Wait

Ian's porch light is on, and some other lights on the ground floor, but there's no sound and no sense of movement from inside. The doorbell is working, the noise comes faintly through the door. At least it's mostly dry under the porch roof, but there's a stiff wind that's very cold on wet hair.

Ian could be out of the country. Out at the theatre. Out at his local. In, shagging a beautiful boy. No one knows any more. He's dropped out of sight: no pictures, no gossip, no juicy quotes or plans for new plays. Email and faxes to Ian go into a black hole; he never answers his telephone, even his private number. His agent and publicist issue bland nonsense. Someone had to go find him.

Finally, just before too late, the door opens. Ian's figure is silhouetted against the brighter light from the hall. He's wearing a bathrobe and looks very much like Gandalf, but something's odd about his stance. Ian stiffens and says, "No. Go away. I don't want to see you." He turns to go, angry energy swirling around him as he pulls the door behind him.

"Wait," Viggo asks, "Just, a few minutes?"


Happy and Gay

In New Zealand, Ian didn't lose his languid air when was wasted. He got even more fey and Oscar Wilde-ish and said "dear boy" a lot. And the petulance. It was like being around a four-year-old: you're tempted to just give in so they'll stop pouting. Viggo didn't dare: give him an inch, he'd take a mile. But Ian was so damn delectable when he's drunk.

It was one of those times that Viggo found himself in Ian's giant bed, learning to suck dick. Not so bad, really. Ian's nice and clean, all soft skin and grey hair and he starts off pretty small. Teaching by doing -- Viggo just followed Ian's lead. His dickhead got nuzzled, he did the same to Ian. Same with a lick down the side, a nuzzle in the balls, some rubbing and playing around the base... Despite the booze and age, Ian's erection was notably hard and Viggo had a stray worry about Viagra. When Ian got to the nitty-gritty of blowing him, Viggo just imitated, like Simon Says or mirror miming.

Ian, of course, was a world-class expert at cocksucking. He'd had fifty years to learn. Viggo's first guy and best blowjob he'd ever had. Ian plunged down on Viggo's dick and Viggo kept up; as best he could, damn glad that he'd got a big enough mouth to make it fairly easy -- how do girls do it, he wondered. His jaw was aching already.

Ian's hands were holding Viggo's head, Ian's dick was pumping in Viggo's mouth, Viggo's dick was in Ian's mouth, and it was like closing an electric circuit. Viggo couldn't last, not with Ian doing his Linda Lovelace imitation. He had to take his mouth off Ian so as not to bite while he came, hard.

It wasn't even a problem to keep going with Ian's dick, though it took a few minutes to suck him off. Viggo felt a bit surprised and smug about managing it his first time.


Temporary

Ian and Sean went back to England for a few months; Viggo was surprised at how much he missed Ian. John was grumpy and the crew were always busy, and the boys were just too damn young. Ian always knew when to insist that they'd worked enough and make Peter shut down for the night. He had a wry sense of humor, and always made just the right comment when things got too serious on set. Viggo always felt too earnest, so they had made a strong team.

Viggo thought that Aragorn might feel the same way about Gandalf: half-playful, half-worshipful. They could have been sleeping together, no one would ever know.

The cynical voice his brain whispered, "you only like the part where you fuck a Knight of the British Empire." But that wasn't true: contemplating Derek Jacobi gave him the heebie-jeebies and he couldn't even begin to think about Sir Ian Holm. But thinking about his Ian gave him a warm feeling in his groin. A night or ten with Viggo's favorite Rohan rider did nothing to make it stop. Ian was just gone, like an empty socket where a tooth used to be.

When Ian came back in August, Viggo slipped right back into his bed as though he'd never left. Ian's mouth and ass and hands were just as delicious as he remembered, maybe even better because he'd been missing Ian so much. The film was wearing Viggo down, and it was good to be with someone who understood, had been through this all before and come out the other side. And the sex was fantastic. But there was something weird before Ian left again: he kept catching a funny look on Ian's face, but could never make Ian tell him what.

Those last months of shooting were grueling The home stretch, but it took so long, and they were all ground down. Even the kids, Elijah, Dom and Orli were subdued. Viggo tried to rev up their energy with pranks and chocolate, make sure they got fed and enough time off to rest up. Fran and Philippa were perpetually upset, and even Peter was stretched thin. Viggo had to fight harder than ever to get the book scenes filmed, the ones that were "not cinematic" enough. No way to splice them in if they were never there to begin with.

Evenings at the pub were either manic or weird or both. One night, Orli's good temper snapped, and they all learned to stop teasing him about his hair. Elijah and Billy had a bit of a spat and didn't speak to each other for three days. Dom pranked Liv with a fake call from her agent, and she berated him for hours in her piercing voice. Viggo tried to keep the peace, calm them down, avoid anyone doing or saying anything unforgivable.

He should have known they would target him next.

It started with Dom calling out to Viggo in Ian's voice, damn kid was just too good at impressions. They all seemed far too gleeful at Viggo's disappointment. Elijah jumped on Dom's back and started mock-humping him, while Billy taunted him with all kinds of British slang for gays and gay sex. Some of it was pretty foul, but Viggo tried to be a good sport and replied with every insult he could think of. But when they turned it around and Dom started humping Elijah, imitating Ian's voice much too well, Viggo couldn't stay.


Arse Bandit

Ian's return felt like a gust of energy: he brought presents for everyone and his battered copy of The Book, reminding everyone that it was up to them to make it cinematic. Viggo could relax and let Ian take the lead, and rest a little for the first time in months.

Ian's magic mouth helped, along with his hands and his accommodating ass. That first night Ian after came back, Viggo slept so soundly he was late for makeup. Everyone seemed to know, they were winking or giggling or teasing him, but hey, if it made them happy, what the hell. Anything to keep up morale.

That night, just as Viggo was thinking he would have to beg Ian to stop teasing and actually suck his dick, Ian's head went down and his fingers, slick with spit, started wandering back. Viggo shifted uncomfortably, and waited for them to get back on his balls where they belonged. But they didn't, they were pushing at his asshole, trying to get in, trying to finger fuck him. Viggo grabbed Ian's arm and pulled him away, then tried to enjoy the blowjob again. But Ian was persistent and tried again. "Hell no," Viggo gritted out, looking down at the top of Ian's head, "I hate that, Ian,"

Instead of going on, Ian pulled back and smirked at him, saying, "Dear boy, you don't know what you're missing. You're usually so... experimental"

"I don't care, just don't mess with my ass."

Ian shook his head and looked disappointed, "Be a sport, and give it a go..."

Viggo couldn't believe that Ian was pressuring him. The idea of taking it up the ass made him nauseous. He didn't mind doing Ian that way, but him? He gritted his teeth and answered, "No means no, dammit."

Ian backed a bit further away, looking impatient, and said, "Tit for tat, luv. Nothing more from me until you at least experiment a bit."

"What the hell?" Viggo couldn't quite believe that Ian would mean that. "You're holding out on me?"

"I am, rather," Ian had the gall to look amused but damn, he should have known Viggo better than that. It was a standoff: Ian's determination against Viggo's revulsion.


Distance

Over the next year, Viggo saw them sometimes, in pictures. He was pretty sure that Ian was fucking Nick, who was even prettier than Orli and about the same age. They held hands and knees at the Oscars, he saw that. Nick wouldn't be so hung-up about the anal thing. He'd never asked, but suspected Orli wasn't inhibited that way either.

Viggo experimented with his ass, in the shower. He learned to crap beforehand. But even that didn't keep him from puking the first time his finger got in deep. He got past that. Tried one of those little vibrators. It stopped being so gross, but it never did anything for him. But if anyone ever asked, he'd give it a try: figured that millions of gay men couldn't all be wrong.


Gesture

As Ian starts to close the door, Viggo feels that a grand gesture is the only thing left to do: he kneels, and bows his head.

Ian stands still, but at least the door is still open. Maybe even metaphorically.

Viggo looks up at Ian, and says what he's known for so long, "I'm sorry, I should have trusted you."

Ian grunts, but it's a good sound. An interested-not-disgusted grunt. He turns, but leaves the door open behind him as he disappears into the shadows of the house.

Following, Viggo strips off his soaked jacket and looks around for a mudroom or something. Finding an umbrella stand, he dumps the jacket in, along with his shoes and socks, then goes the same direction that Ian went. Ian is there, sitting silently on a big chair, like a throne in the dim room. He's never gone this long without drawling something in that impossibly sexy voice, and Viggo's left hanging, wondering if this is some kind of intricate punishment.

Ian just looks at him, and a cold blast of energy hits Viggo's chest -- it's like being in a room with a ghost. He doesn't know what to do, so falls back on what worked before: kneeling before Ian, this time close to his knees. "Please," he whispers. "I don't want to lose you for good."

Viggo looks up and sees that Ian has a tear on his cheek, and he feels confused, spun out of control. The eeriest part is that Ian hasn't said a word, and he used to be impossible to shut the hell up. In a good way, like Dom.

"Please, tell me," is all he can think of to say, as his hands come up and hold both of Ian's.

One of Ian's hands is stiff and cold as winter in Idaho.

Now Viggo's eyes are used to the dim light, and he can see that the right side of Ian's face is slack: mouth drooping, jowl slack, the eyelid almost closed.

"Stroke?" he asks, in a whisper, and for a wonder, Ian nods.

"When? Why didn't you tell me, or anyone?"

"Last month, after the panto." Ian's voice is labored and slurred, far from his usual mellow tones. His stiff hand is warming as Viggo clutches it, and he explains, "I'm not myself, these days."

English stiff upper lip, that's what it is. And pride. Viggo knows all about self-defeating pride.

"You aren't your body, Ian, or even your brain. Your soul... your essence, that's what we miss." Viggo swallows, "That's what I, I care about."

Ian sighs, and Viggo's not sure what that means. And then, almost imperceptibly, Ian's body relaxes. He looks tilted, even a little melted on one side; so different from the elderly sprite that Viggo went dancing with in New Zealand.

Laying his head on Ian's knee, Viggo closes his eyes and lets go of that vanished Ian. This Ian needs him, he is pretty sure. "It's okay, I'll take care of you." He doesn't quite know what it will require, but it feels right.

After a minute, Ian moves his working hand and starts stroking Viggo's hair. "I suppose I shall have to let you, then," he says, still slurred but softer, easier: an echo of his usual archness.

"Thank you," Viggo knows it's an odd thing to say, but he is deeply grateful that Ian will allow him to do this.

He looks at Ian again, and realizes that he did the right thing, kneeling. If he'd been standing and looming above Ian, the balance between them would have been all wrong. This way, Viggo's strong chi can lift Ian's, rather than pushing it down.

His practical side comes forward, and he kneels up, still holding Ian's hands. "What can I get you? A cup of tea?" After all that time in New Zealand, it's automatic to offer. Ian's head tips slightly but definitely no, and Ian's body is leaning towards him and it's equally automatic to catch hold.

Viggo's eyes close again and he hugs Ian, wanting to crawl right into his lap. He brings Ian's stiff hand to his lips and knows from Ian's response that there's still feeling there. They have a lot of work to do.


The News
Actors Sir Ian McKellen and Viggo Mortensen were married today in Amsterdam. Sir Ian, sixty-five, is best known for his roles in Bent, Amadeus, Richard II and III, and the film series X-Men and Lord of the Rings. He has almost fully recovered from his stroke earlier this year. Mr. Mortensen, forty-six, is a Danish-American actor who starred in the films Perfect Murder, Hidalgo, and the Lord of the Rings series, where he met Sir Ian.

The couple issued a statement indicating that they would accept no gifts, but would be pleased with donations in their name to PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and the Iris Trust, a charity attached to the Stonewall Group UK. Mentioning the obstacles that Mr. Mortensen encountered with some institutions whilst caring for Sir Ian, they expressed the hope that legalizing their relationship would address this difficulty.

Mr. Mortensen renounced his citizenship in the United States of America in protest of that country's resistance to gay marriage.



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Comments {27}

relax, I know how to make cement

Brilliant

from: telesilla
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 08:11 am (UTC)
Link

I already said this in chat but ... wow. Just wow. Thank you for not making things easy for them. Thank you for making Viggo not totally OK about all kinds of gay sex just because he's sleeping with a man. And thank you for knowing that because this is Viggo and Ian, there was no way it couldn't be political. All that and without them ever saying it, the love between them is so evident.

*cuddles my fic and loffs you*

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Lotripper

Re: Brilliant

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 08:54 am (UTC)
Link

Thank you, love. It wasn't easy, because they're such strong-willed and radical men that if they were together and wanted to be married, they would be. So it had to be future and it had to be complicated.

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(no subject)

from: karadin
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 09:11 am (UTC)
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Wow this was great, a wonderful pairing, and a twist that makes it all about love, placing the sex as a neccessary, but second. I had asked for a pairing with Ian and didn't get it, so double thanks!

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 04:56 pm (UTC)
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I'm so glad you like this -- it was a hell of a challenge but I kept at it. Had to be complex for them not to be married already.

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Darkrose

(no subject)

from: darkrosetiger
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 11:47 am (UTC)
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Absolutely fantastic. I especially liked the idea that Viggo wasn't immediately like, "Yay! Buttsex!" and the bit with Ian having the stroke was beautifully done. Just gorgeous.

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 05:00 pm (UTC)
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The buttsex thing is my kick to fanon, I'm deeply annoyed by it being such a cliche. I was also interested in how Ian would react if he wasn't all leather pants and all.

I'm particularly glad you liked it.

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(no subject)

from: starfishchick
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 02:58 pm (UTC)
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Good job. Really good. And believable.

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 05:01 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! I try to be true to the guys.

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Anonymity as a Refuge

(no subject)

from: mirabile_dictu
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 04:51 pm (UTC)
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Goddammit, this is the third story I've read this morning that made me cry, but this absolutely reduced me to mush. I'm sitting at work with tears rolling down my face.

I was really hesitant about this whole Wedding thingy, but I've read so many remarkable stories, so very un-cliched stories, and here's another beautiful one. I really think this might be your best yet; if not the best, then certainly one of the very best. Thoughtful, insightful, sweet, addressing important issues yet never forgetting the characterization -- and wonderful, wonderful characterization it is.

Thank you so much, darlin'.

*goes to mop face*

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 05:03 pm (UTC)
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Oh darling, I'm glad you like it. hanarobi said I always get a little politics in, but this was pretty blatant, so I'm glad the characterization worked.

*clings to you*

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the Firecat

(no subject)

from: gypsyjolie
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 05:28 pm (UTC)
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This is really really great. Sparse and realistic and yet still got my emotions all in a dither. Lovely!

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 22nd, 2004 06:13 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! I never know if it works.

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(no subject)

from: mortifyd
date: Dec. 24th, 2004 05:22 am (UTC)
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I'm really glad I took the plunge and read this, it was beautiful. <3

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Dec. 24th, 2004 05:23 am (UTC)
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Thanks, that means a lot to me. Viggo's just as frail and human as the rest of us.

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hanarobi

(no subject)

from: hanarobi
date: Feb. 13th, 2005 06:36 am (UTC)
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I can't believe I missed this the first time around. Thank you so much for reminding me. There were so many lovely moments, and then there were some really uneasy but all to realistic and quite likely moments. This didn't read like your usual stories somehow. Not sure what I mean by that but it's nothing bad, just had a different feel to it. And I just adored and swelled with pride and got all angry and wanted to cheer over the last couple of paragraphs. The almost complete rehabilitation, the wedding announcement, it all being so strong and political, and that Viggo would renounce his citizenship in protest. I just loved it. Go you! This was wonderful. I think I shall go now and rec it in my journal.

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Feb. 13th, 2005 07:22 am (UTC)
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You're the one who pointed out the political element in my stories, it's just more explicit in this one ;-) I'm thrilled you like it!

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nikkie222

(no subject)

from: nikkie222
date: Jun. 19th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
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Wow. telesilla directed me to this. I was bemoaning the stereotypical fics where Viggo is always assumed to be the gay one and breaking in Sean or someone else to the gay sex. Also, the thought of Ian and Viggo used to squick me and I probably had skipped over this one in the past, but I've actually been searching lately for good Ian/Viggo fic. This was absolutely beautiful - Viggo leaning on Ian during filming, his trying to learn to like anal penetration himself despite his revulsion, his coming back to Ian and dropping to his knees as a gesture, his caring for him, the marriage, the renouncement of his citizenship. Gorgeous fic.

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Aug. 18th, 2006 07:39 am (UTC)
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Thank you so much. I didn't see the notification of this before, but it's really neat to know you liked it.

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AngelofSnow

(no subject)

from: angelofsnow
date: Aug. 18th, 2006 06:47 am (UTC)
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wow, this story was both a turn on and laugh-out-loud funny at different points. I really enjoyed reading it. Very cute.

"Ian's magic mouth helped, along with his hands and his accommodating ass. " That sentence made my entire night.

A brilliant piece.

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Aug. 18th, 2006 07:38 am (UTC)
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Thank you so very much! It's fun for me to write Americans for a change, sometimes I get worn out with Briticisms. Thanks especially for saying something -- late feedback is the sweeter because it's unexpected.

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hohaiyee

re: Repose

from: hohaiyee
date: Mar. 31st, 2008 08:41 pm (UTC)
Link

That was one of my favourite sentence too! Very fun and direct thoughts.

I usually roll my eyes at the feng shui trend, but somehow the mention of chi is very fitting and not at all corny when used by Viggo in this.

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Lotripper

Re: Repose

from: msilverstar
date: Apr. 1st, 2008 12:53 am (UTC)
Link

Thank you very much (also for commenting, it's never too late!)

I do believe that humans respond to certain angles and room shapes, but not feng shui as such. Chi seems like a useful concept to me, but not exactly scientific. But I can totally see Viggo accepting this in his own barefoot way, which is part of what reduces me to a quivering fangirl!

Reply | Parent | Thread

hohaiyee

Re: Repose

from: hohaiyee
date: Apr. 1st, 2008 02:01 am (UTC)
Link

Oh of course! Some decor feels cozy, some feels hostile, etc. I do think that people should keep the concepts of wind-and-water in mind when designing their communities and cities, because the neglectful way in-fills have became the North American way of life is shameful, and it is also a health issue.

In Hong Kong, they used to have a lot more 'rivers of space' between buildings, allowing the sea wind to sweep through and cool the city. When developments crowd development, there was no more space for that, the cement structures trap heat, so night was as hot as day, people couldn't sleep well and those who can't afford air conditioning started getting heat stroke, it's terrible.

To quote a Simpsons episode though, "Feng shui? I thought that was just an excuse to sell crappy end tables to the West"

I laugh at the people who have /fetishiz/' such simple ordinary everyday concepts though, especially in regards to the chunks of NotBamboo sold with Feng Shui plastic banners tacked onto it. I laugh so much it hurts, when people who live in neighbourhoods named after trees and meadows that were there before it was all recently cleared for their closer to nature dream homes, with wide driveways, and manicured lawns back and front, thinks that buying a stump of alive but not thriving stick-in-water would improve their 'chi'.

I totally adore Viggo's barefootedness, he's 4 real, and that should always be precious, though not a rarity, but he's both.


PS: In case you are wondering, the NotBamboo in Feng Shui is Dracaena Sanderana, which is much happier in soil. I have no idea where the concept that it's Lucky comes from, and frankly, the concept of it is kinda painful to me who has grown up reading the ancient chinese wandering swordsmen (and some swordswomen) genre, with the beautifully poetic bamboo /forests/. A stump defeats the point! It's just so saddening to think that the bamboo forests of yesteryears are GONE now...

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hohaiyee

Re: Repose

from: hohaiyee
date: Apr. 1st, 2008 02:18 am (UTC)
Link

Sorry for the rant! I'm just a bit emotional right now after all the environmental stuff I've been catching up on (the current oil sand operation in Alberta require jetting a small lake of water deep underground, forever taking them out of circulation), and the feng shui magazine I flipped through a day back. It's just SAD that people are so disconnected about it, we need air to breathe and water to drink, moisture to keep our skin from cracking and circulation to keep mold from growing. It's so sad that this and green space have become a haut couture accessory for the 'hind enders' and are not part of every person's ordinary life.

Reply | Parent | Thread

Lotripper

Re: Repose

from: msilverstar
date: Apr. 2nd, 2008 07:56 am (UTC)
Link

No problem, environmental destruction + blythely disregarding and shallow "advice" = grumpy anyone.

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Feel For Faith

(no subject)

from: feelforfaith
date: Feb. 18th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC)
Link

I'm so glad you lined to this in one of your recent posts, because this is beautiful. What I like most about it is your characterization of them both, but especially of Viggo, who is so unlike the "fanon" Viggo in some aspects. I love the fact that he will have sex with Ian, but that it comes with limits he's not prepared to go past at first. And Ian having a stroke and then their scene together--so wonderfully written.

Most of the time, the words "wedding" or "marriage" will chase me away from a story faster than anything else, but it's good to step out of your comfort zone from time to time, and I'm very glad I did.

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Lotripper

(no subject)

from: msilverstar
date: Feb. 18th, 2007 06:50 pm (UTC)
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Thank you! It was one of those cases where the challenge kick-started my creativity. Being me, the last thing I could do would be obvious schmoop ;-)

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